I’ll see your charge and charge you this….

In the news this week is the airlines newest idea to collect additional fees by charging a premium to get off the plane quicker.   Do you believe this!  You will have to pay in order to get off the plane in a reasonable fashion.  So now we have additional charges for luggage, food, leg room, internet, movies and quicker boarding.   Where will it stop?  What will they think of next?   Well, I for one think it’s time that we as passengers start charging the airlines.

I have a list of my top five things we should charge the airlines for.  Let’s see what they have to say about these.

#1.  I want $5.00 for each kick I get in the back from the unruly children sitting behind me.   I feel after three warnings the meter should start running.  How much is it to ask parents to control their kids.   If they don’t behave in airplane seats there are other options.  They can drive, take a train, luggage compartment or how about airlines having separate areas of the plane reserved for families.  They can spend the whole flight kicking each other in the back.

#2. Personal hygiene should count.  If you’re going to spend the next 6 hours on a plane next to someone you don’t know wouldn’t you think a shower would be a good idea.   The next time I sit next to someone that’s “RIPE” I want a full refund for my ticket.   As passengers, we go through x-rays, pat downs and luggage searches, how hard would a little sniff test be.   You smell bad , take a bath. Please don’t get on a plane.

#3. Since the airlines started charging excessive prices for meals, passengers now have decided to bring their own meals with them.  So bring on all the smelly food you can find.   So what if we all have to smell it for the duration of the flight.   I love sitting next to the guy eating chili with onions.  Usually its the same guy that didn’t pass charge #2 above.   I would like a 50-% refund for my ticket if the person next to me is eating anything that smells like it’s been eaten already.

#4.  If the person sitting next to me is sufficiently large and takes up my his or her  seat and a portion of my seat as well I want credit for the percentage of my seat they are occupying.  It’s all about Real estate.  If the airline can charge additional fees for more leg room, why cant we charge for less.

#5.  I want airlines to use proper language.  How many times have I heard this.  “We are going to have to circle for a while due to FLOW CONTROL”.  What in the world is FLOW CONTROL.    Is the toilet backed up?  Does the pilot have a urinary track issue?  Why not just say we can’t land the f____king plane, there is no room on the ground.   I for one,  would feel a lot better.   I suggest that each time the airline either tries to confuse us or lie to us we get $50.00.   Let’s not beat around the bush.  Tell it like  it is.

I’m sure everyone of you have your list of situations that you feel the airlines should reimburse you for.   I would love to hear them.